October 20, 2004

To my Brothers and Sisters in The Connecticut Conference

In the name of our Savior I bid you greetings!

I think I can count on one hand since I was 16 years old the times that I did not at least make an appearance at a Connecticut Conference Annual Meeting.

This Summer I went through the horrific experience of having to move my life’s partner, Dr. Alejandro J. Carmona Covarrubias, a dentist from Mexico, to Toronto. For nearly three years we have been living together in a committed relationship both in our home in Coventry, CT and in the parsonage in North Hampton, NH where I am currently the Interim Pastor. You may remember Alex. He helped me sell my music CDs at annual meetings in the past. Also, those who really got to know Alex generally gave him the credit for smoothing out some of my rough edges.

Thus, this year, instead of attending the Annual Meeting, I purposefully chose to spend the week in Canada with Alex. Being a part of the discussion concerning Gay Marriage would have been too painful for me. I left the country even though I knew that my vote might have made a difference in the all-important positive passage of the resolution. Yet, I needed more to be with Alex.

Regardless what has happened in Massachusetts ~ or what we do in our churches ~ immigration laws do not recognize gay relationships. We decided to move Alex to Canada, which is a “gay friendly” country, before his official deportation date in September. If he were deported, it would ultimately prohibit future visits to the United States. By his moving to Canada and once he becomes a permanent resident there, he will have the ability to return to our country.

There is a high probability that although we currently have to live apart, we will end up somewhere in Canada where we can live in safety. That is the issue for us ~ safety. Together we pray that we may someday live as a couple where we do not have to fear being torn apart because of governmental homophobia.

We also look forward to the time where we may worship in safety. I say this because, although I do not worry about being physically attacked in any of our UCC Churches in Connecticut, it was my fear of being further spiritually and emotionally abused that ultimately kept me away from you this year.

When I was a single, openly gay pastor, I was able to cope with the ravings of those calling me an “abomination”. But now, being part of a relationship made fragile and literally torn apart by an unsympathetic and uncaring government, has caused my emotions to be much more vulnerable. The thought of losing what I cherish most makes me afraid. Perhaps one could say, “love took the ginger out of Jarv.” However, know that I celebrate this new sensitivity growing within me ~ truly a gift of God’s grace.

I commend you for your courage in the “struggle for justice and peace” at this year’s Annual Meeting. I am very pleased at the outcome. I am so proud of the heritage of my Connecticut Conference in my United Church of Christ, the Conference that oversaw my baptism, confirmation, and ordination! Yet the challenge remains ~ would Alex and I be welcome as a couple in your church?

Regardless of the resolutions that have passed both on the national and conference level, is your church an emotionally and spiritually safe place for us to worship? I long for the time when homophobia is just as disagreeable to people in the pew as racism. Perhaps that is the barometer for those churches that claim that to be “open to all”.

Yours ever faithfully,

Jarv (Rev. David F. Jarvis)